How and When to Leave a Good Church?

There are legitimate reasons for leaving a church. And there are legitimate ways to leave a church. Just walking away with no explanation or no attempt to right any wrongs is not the proper way. Yet, it is the way many people leave.

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-l am about to spit you out of my mouth” (Revelation 3:15-16).

Seven local churches were addressed in Revelation, chapters 2 and 3 and of the seven; six of them were severely chastised by our Lord. And it seems that the strongest words were reserved for the last church, Laodicea. Our Lord says that they are “wretched, pitiful, He is so sick of their lukewarmness that He is ready to vomit them out of his mouth! 

None of the seven churches exist today. That is very sad, but also very instructive. A church is but a generation away from apostasy. Churches do go astray. Churches that for a period of time are a bastion of truth and a haven for the lost can become theologically and practically corrupt. And when that occurs, a true believer cannot continue to support that body. Leaving that church becomes a responsibility.

Yet, that is not the reason why most people leave their churches in our generation. I have both heard of and witnessed people leaving churches for a host of other reasons, such as:

• Because they disagreed with the pastor
• Because they disagreed with a member
• Because they disagreed with an Elder or Deacon decision
• Because the church practiced church discipline
• Because the church did not practice church discipline.
• Because the church moved to a new location
• Because the sermons were too long
• Because the sermons were too short
• Because of disagreement with the doctrinal statement
• Because the church was “too liberal”
• Because the church was “too strict or legalistic”
• Because the church did not have a youth program
• Because the youth program did not meet with their approval
• Because they did not like the children’s or nursery programs
• Because the preacher was no longer preaching the truth
• Because the preacher was boring
• Because of the pastor’s personal political views
• Because the church down the street was more exciting
• Because the music : program included choruses
• Because the music program did not include choruses
• Because the music program used only the song books
• Because the music program did not use the song books
• Because the church did not have a Sunday School program
• Because the church did not have a regular Sunday night service
• Because of the way the church handled the money
• Because the church supported some wrong causes
• Because the member was not asked to serve in the church
• Because the member was asked to do too much in the church
• Because the member had to work too often in the nursery
• Because someone was teaching who should not have been
• Because that member or another member was not allowed to teach
• Because they wanted the church to go into a building program
• Because they did not want the church to go into a building program 
• Because a certain pastor was called to the church
• Because a certain pastor was not called to the church
• Because of the church’s views on eschatology
• Because of the church’s views on smoking, dancing, alcoholic beverages, or movies
• Because the church had a kitchen and people ate at the church
• Because they were not chosen as a church leader
• Because they were not a “good fit” in that church 
• Because of the way people dressed in that church
• Because the people were unfriendly in the church
• Because of something someone said to them in the church
• Because the people in that church were above their social class
• Because people in that church would not accept them
• Because they could not find real fellowship in that church
• Because most of the people in the church were too old
• Because most of the people in the church were too young
• Because the church leadership would not listen to them
• Because the preacher “preached too often on money”
• Because the church was “just going in the wrong direction”
• Because “nobody ever noticed me”
• Because the pastor “did not even know my name”
• Because “I never heard from the pastor” 
• Because “when I was sick, nobody came to see me.”
• Because “when I missed church, nobody even noticed or called me”
• Because “my family will be happy in another church”
• Because “my children don’t want to come to that church anymore
• Because “my children aren’t getting anything out of the sermons”
• Because “the church just asks too much of me”
• Because “there are just so many things I am unhappy about, I don’t want to even talk about them”
• Because “I just want to visit around”

Perhaps you have recognized some of these reasons-and even used some of them yourself. I do not mean to depreciate all of them because some of the reasons given above do have some validity. My point here is not to evaluate each of these reasons, but rather to discuss in general how such matters should be approached, before one does leave a church. Departing a church is a serious matter and one which usually affects not only the family who leaves, but also those who are left behind, especially the church leadership. Someone has described it as something like a family breaking up (the church is a family). There can be as much heartache to many people when people leave a church.

There are legitimate reasons for leaving a church. And there are legitimate ways to leave a church. Just walking away with no explanation or no attempt to right any wrongs is not the proper way. Yet, it is the way many people leave.

Here are some things which must be done before one leaves a church:

• We must check our motives very carefully.
• Our reasons must be well grounded and clearly articulated.
• We must be in regular, earnest prayer about the matter.
• We must guard our tongues very carefully.
• We must be extremely careful that we do not unnecessarily create unrest in other members.
• Our discussions with the leadership must be characterized by love.
• Our attempts to correct matters must be with great respect, care and patience.
• If our concern is over personal preferences, rather than biblical matters, we must consider others’ interest more important than ours. 
• Great care should be taken that we submit to the leadership of the church, unless we determine with proper counsel that there is a serious biblical issue at stake.
• If the leadership will listen, we need to give them plenty of time to consider the matter.
• If the leadership will not listen to us, or will not take proper action to correct the matter and we are thoroughly convinced that there is a serious biblical issue, we should ask for a meeting of the church Elders in which to express our concerns.
• We should ask ourselves what we have personally done to correct any wrong or deficiency in the church with which we are concerned.
• We should evaluate if our leaving would do harm to an otherwise good church.
• We should never leave, nor encourage others to leave, unless we are thoroughly convinced that one or both of the following conditions exist: (1) that the church has become an apostate church (where serious unbiblical teaching or practices are allowed), or (2) that we are convinced that, over the long haul, we cannot find a place to serve in the church, or that our families will not be spiritually fed in that body.
  
  

 I am convinced that if these suggestions were given careful attention, there would be fewer people leaving churches. In our culture people flip around from church to church in almost the same way they change from one automobile to another, always looking for something a bit more new and pleasurable. That is not the essence of Christianity.

Christ called on us to serve one another, not to be seeking our own comfort. He certainly gave us the supreme example. The welfare of others is why He came to this earth, suffered abuse and extreme discomfort and, ultimately, the horrible death of a vile criminal on the cross of Calvary. He could have moved from this earth and taken up a comfortable residence in heaven, rather than having to suffer at the hands of sinful men. Yet He set His sights on the good of others, rather than those of His own, and gave His all. That is how much He loved the church.

Christ’s example often demonstrates how cheap our view of the local church can be. We ask how the church can serve us, rather than how we can serve Christ through His local bodies. He exhibits extreme patience with us; how can we do otherwise for His people, for whom He died?

The next time you think about leaving a church, think of the example of Christ. He does not just walk away from His people, but patiently suffers with them through many trials and tribulations, always thinking of their needs before His own. While He did warn the seven churches in Revelation and eventually took away their right to exist, He did so only after patiently urging them to repent. He gave them an opportunity to change. We can do no less!

Please join me in my efforts to guard the “Truth” until He comes…

“So go and do your home work.” J